My High School Placement

How much disappointment can one person fit into a year? If enough disappoints are crammed consecutively into the same year, then does the entire year count as one giant disappointment? My eighth grade year was my year of many disappointments that continued one after other until the entire school year felt like a huge let down. There is no year that I despise more than my junior high year, and that is quite a claim considering how awful middle school was for my fellow students and me. How could one school year be so incredibly bad? My eighth grade school year was the biggest disappointment of my life due to my insecurities, my actions, and my overall immaturity. Any kid that grows up with a public school education knows how hard going to a …show more content…
There are the typical insecurities that almost every kid faces such as issues with weight, clothing style, and what they perceive to be their own attractiveness. I faced the same insecurities with my weight being one of my biggest issues. I was just realizing how everyone else seemed to be thinner than me, and it made me constantly evaluate myself. I would compare myself to the other girls and become disappointed when I realized that I looked nothing like them. I would compare myself to the actors on the shows I used to watch, and when I realized there was hardly anything I had in common with them, I would harshly criticize myself for it. When I was not comparing my weight to the other people around me, I would tug at my clothes and get embarrassed when I was not wearing the trending styles or the expensive jeans that the other girls wore. I would hate the oversized shirts I would wear in order to hide myself. I thought my dresses were ill-fitting and my shorts were too long and ugly. No matter how much I liked an outfit in theory, I would instantly hate it the moment I put it on. It was a depressing time for me since I had never been like that before; I would sometimes be upset when the clothes did not look exactly like they …show more content…
I wanted to stop being shy and to talk to everyone and anyone. I wanted to be who I felt I was on the inside; a social butterfly with lots of friends and no inhibitions when it came to doing the things I wanted to do. The problem I faced was that I did not know how to go about bringing my inner self out. I thought talking to people would help me make friends, so I poked them to get their attention before quickly leaving after saying some form of hello. I thought I just needed to be funny to get more attention, so I told awful jokes that no one understood and laughed way too loudly in order to fill the silence. I wanted to have my first real boyfriend, so I gave the boys I liked vague and confusing notes and just expected them to return my feelings without even really knowing me. I would constantly talk to people who very obviously did not want to talk to me, I repeatedly admitted my feelings to boys who obviously did not reciprocate them, and I did anything I could to get more attention on myself. Looking back on that time, I really hated the way I used to act. I believe that most of my actions were an effect of my