It's a strange feeling to me to know that every letter I write to you might be the last I will write or you shall read. Every day that goes by, I try to remind myself of that. I've been trying my hardest to fit in and to try to do my job as well as I can but there's something wrong. I just don't feel like I'm the man I was prior to the time I came here. I now have fears that I've never had before.
The lieutenant calls us up for stand-to arms and I begin to feel a pit at the bottom of my stomach which is filled with sorrow. I can't do it anymore, I just can't. It seems the massive rodents creeping around the trenches, the lice on my uniform, and the enormous amount of boredom in here are getting the best of me.
I never thought the fear of constant bombardments would keep me up at night. I count the bullets flying in the sky as a pass-time. I've lost everything during my time here. I've lost Jamie, my motivation to move on. I've lost everyone that I've become close to and I fear that I will lose you too. Never before had I picture my life to be like this.
Every time it rains, I feel the hairs on my arms stick up. Every time I hear my name being called for guard duty, I worry that it will be the last. My duties here are all that are keeping me mortal. Without the priority my country has …show more content…
That leads me to think of how I haven't left you with anything. No legacy, money, or even a proper family. I know I keep telling you to wait and that I'll be home soon but I worry that soon isn't soon enough. I wanted to let you know that no matter what happens, you're my love, my family, and my everything. You gave me the best baby girl I could have ever asked for. If she grows up and I'm not able to be there with her, tell Lydia that her daddy loved her with everything that he had. I never thought these feeling were even possible until I met you. For this, I owe you