document5 8
5.8 Document for Analysis – Weak E-Mail Message, p. 121
Your task. The following e-mail suffers from numerous writing faults such as dangling modifiers, overuse of passive voice, and fragments. Notice that small superscript numbers identify each sentence. Individually or in a group, analyze this message. For each sentence or group of words, identify the following faults: dangling modifier (DM), passive voice (PV), and fragment (FR). Your group should agree on its analysis. Your instructor may ask you to revise to remedy its faults.
To: Jeremy.Gibbons12@aol.com From: Andrea Kellyakelly@bodyfitness.com
Subject: Improving Your Experience at Body Fitness Center Cc: Bcc:
Dear Mr. Gibbons,
1Body Fitness Center here in Windsor was probably chosen by you because it is one of the top-rated gyms in the Southwestern Ontario. 2Our principal goal has always been making your workouts enjoyable. 3To continue to provide you with the best equipment and programs, your feedback is needed.
4An outstanding program with quality equipment and excellent training programs has been provided by Body Fitness. 5However, more individual attention could be given by us to our customers if our peak usage time could be extended. 6You have probably noticed that attendance at the gym increases from 4 p.m. to 8 p.m. 7We wish it were possible to accommodate all our customers on their favorite equipment during those hours. 8Although we can’t stretch an hour. 9We would like to make better use of the time between 8 p.m. and 11 p.m. 10With more members coming later, we would have less crush from 4 p.m. to 8 p.m.
11To encourage you to stay later, security cameras for our parking area are being considered by my partner and me. 12Cameras for some inside facilities may also be added. 13This matter has been given a lot of thought. 14Although Body Fitness has never previously had an incident that endangered a member.
15Please fill in the attached interactive
Your task. The following e-mail suffers from numerous writing faults such as dangling modifiers, overuse of passive voice, and fragments. Notice that small superscript numbers identify each sentence. Individually or in a group, analyze this message. For each sentence or group of words, identify the following faults: dangling modifier (DM), passive voice (PV), and fragment (FR). Your group should agree on its analysis. Your instructor may ask you to revise to remedy its faults.
To: Jeremy.Gibbons12@aol.com From: Andrea Kellyakelly@bodyfitness.com
Subject: Improving Your Experience at Body Fitness Center Cc: Bcc:
Dear Mr. Gibbons,
1Body Fitness Center here in Windsor was probably chosen by you because it is one of the top-rated gyms in the Southwestern Ontario. 2Our principal goal has always been making your workouts enjoyable. 3To continue to provide you with the best equipment and programs, your feedback is needed.
4An outstanding program with quality equipment and excellent training programs has been provided by Body Fitness. 5However, more individual attention could be given by us to our customers if our peak usage time could be extended. 6You have probably noticed that attendance at the gym increases from 4 p.m. to 8 p.m. 7We wish it were possible to accommodate all our customers on their favorite equipment during those hours. 8Although we can’t stretch an hour. 9We would like to make better use of the time between 8 p.m. and 11 p.m. 10With more members coming later, we would have less crush from 4 p.m. to 8 p.m.
11To encourage you to stay later, security cameras for our parking area are being considered by my partner and me. 12Cameras for some inside facilities may also be added. 13This matter has been given a lot of thought. 14Although Body Fitness has never previously had an incident that endangered a member.
15Please fill in the attached interactive