Comparative Critique Ways Of Seeing By John Berger And There Is No Unmarked Woman By Deborah Tannen
David Cohen
C.J. Jackson
W131
19 September 2012
(In blue are all suggested changes or additions.)
(In red with strikethrough are all suggested removals, red underlines are points needing nonspecific revisions, and red italics are commentary.)
I know I’m pretty harsh, but just remember if I didn’t want you to do well I would do less…
Comparative Critique:
Ways of Seeing by John Berger and There is no Unmarked Woman by Deborah Tannen Once upon a time, (I’d stay way from this… perhaps) a group of dodo birds inhabited an island in the Indian Ocean. The men (males—men refers to humans) were large and colorful with fearless attitudes(,) while the women (smaller females) were smaller and represented (wore comparatively—stay away from were and was, try to use unique descriptive verbs allowing for imagery) neutral colors (plumage). As the population grew smaller (dwindled), the number of females decreased more quickly than the males (deteriorated much faster than that of the males). The last female later died which (The death of the last female) left the population without the ability to mate and ultimately led to their extinction. Throughout written history men have expressed their dominance over women. It has been a battle of equality for centuries, and the outcomes are quite obvious. Men are stronger and leave women to manage the home life while women are constantly trying to please them. Society sees that men can choose the woman he sees most desirable and acts upon that display. (Be careful to revise and express that the outcomes you are relating are historical, traditional, and those of stereotypes. I would provide examples to illustrate an existing bias and divide in your present description you seem to be describing existing superiority. You need to clarify and exemplify! Don’t forget any other source you use for examples needs to be provided in the works cited! ) The interesting situation, exampled above, is what happens when (The unfortunate scenario detailed
C.J. Jackson
W131
19 September 2012
(In blue are all suggested changes or additions.)
(In red with strikethrough are all suggested removals, red underlines are points needing nonspecific revisions, and red italics are commentary.)
I know I’m pretty harsh, but just remember if I didn’t want you to do well I would do less…
Comparative Critique:
Ways of Seeing by John Berger and There is no Unmarked Woman by Deborah Tannen Once upon a time, (I’d stay way from this… perhaps) a group of dodo birds inhabited an island in the Indian Ocean. The men (males—men refers to humans) were large and colorful with fearless attitudes(,) while the women (smaller females) were smaller and represented (wore comparatively—stay away from were and was, try to use unique descriptive verbs allowing for imagery) neutral colors (plumage). As the population grew smaller (dwindled), the number of females decreased more quickly than the males (deteriorated much faster than that of the males). The last female later died which (The death of the last female) left the population without the ability to mate and ultimately led to their extinction. Throughout written history men have expressed their dominance over women. It has been a battle of equality for centuries, and the outcomes are quite obvious. Men are stronger and leave women to manage the home life while women are constantly trying to please them. Society sees that men can choose the woman he sees most desirable and acts upon that display. (Be careful to revise and express that the outcomes you are relating are historical, traditional, and those of stereotypes. I would provide examples to illustrate an existing bias and divide in your present description you seem to be describing existing superiority. You need to clarify and exemplify! Don’t forget any other source you use for examples needs to be provided in the works cited! ) The interesting situation, exampled above, is what happens when (The unfortunate scenario detailed