What Happy People Know

Book Report:
What Happy People Know
By Dan Baker and Cameron Stauth

Report written by: Kelsey Welsh
Report written for: Professor Mary Tucker

December 7, 2005 TABLE OF CONTENTS

What Happy People Know: Book Report 3

Fear 3
Breaking Free of Fear 3

Qualities of Happiness 3

Happiness Tools 4
Appreciation 4
The Appreciation Audit. 4
Self-Appreciation. 4
Victimization. 4
Personal Power 5
Victimization. 5
Entitlement. 6
Rescue. 6
Blame. 6
Free Yourself of the VERBs. 7
A Recognition of Strength 7
Best Practices Tool. 7
A Sense of Choice 8
The Power of Language and Stories 8
Multidimensional Living 9

Synthesis 9
Personal Experience 9
Other Readings 10

References 10 What Happy People Know: Book Report

Dan Baker and Cameron Stauth 's What Happy People Know is a great book, I would recommend it to anyone to read because, "the same basic principles about happiness apply to virtually everyone, across all age groups, nationality, cultures" (Baker & Stauth, 2003, p. 40). It compares and contrasts what happy people know and do in comparison to what unhappy people know and do. The book teaches the reader how to change their outlook on life from a negative to a positive one. I will begin this report with a brief explanation of what the major underlying factor of unhappiness is. Next, I will briefly talk about the qualities of happiness, according to Baker and Stauth (2003). And lastly, I will reveal just what it is happy people know, also called the happiness tools (Baker & Stauth).

Fear

According to What Makes People Happy, a person cannot be happy if they have fear in their lives (Baker & Stauth, 2003). Most people don 't realize that they are living in fear. Fear enters many people 's lives disguised as anger, perfectionism, depression, hate, anxiety, and so on. According to the authors (2003), fear is the opposite of something that makes sense (p. 17). In today 's world, most types of fear can be placed into either of the two categories: "fear of not having enough and fear of not being enough" (Baker & Stauth, 2003, p. 24).

Breaking Free of Fear
The first step in break free of fear is to admit that you have fear and then accept the fear. Baker and Stauth (2003) say, "Welcome it. Laugh at yourself. Forgive yourself. Rise to the height of your soaring spirit. And move on" (p. 59). There is not better time than now to accept this fear so you can begin your happy life.

In this report I will discuss many additional ways to break free of your fear. Unfortunately, nobody can get rid of fear forever, because, part of everybody 's brain is dedicated just to fear (Baker & Stauth, 2003).

Qualities of Happiness

The authors recognize that living in fear is the easy route in life, and that happiness is difficult to achieve. According to the authors (2003), there are twelve qualities that define happiness and they are what people should aim to achieve. If you are able to achieve these qualities, your search for happiness should be over, because happiness will find you (Baker & Stauth, 2003). The following are the twelve qualities of happiness, according to Baker and Stauth (p. 19-21):

• Love
• Optimism
• Courage
• A sense of freedom
• Proactivity
• Security
• Health
• Spirituality
• Altruism
• Perspective
• Humor
• Purpose
Happiness Tools

As mentioned, it is a lot of work to lead a happy lifestyle. Baker and Stauth (2003) suggest that happiness can be created through the following (p. 248):

• Appreciation
• Personal power
• A recognition of strengths
• A sense of choice
• The power of language and stories
• Multidimensional living

Appreciation
The authors (2003) place a very strong emphasis on the benefits and uses of appreciation. The reason they placed such a strong emphasis on appreciation is because due to the way our brains work, it is impossible for fear and appreciation to be present simultaneously. Remember, fear is the basis of most unhappiness. When you do not have appreciation in your life, your brain is locked into using the fear part of the brain (Baker & Stauth, 2003).

The Appreciation Audit.
One way to help bring upon appreciation is to use the Appreciation Audit. In order for the Appreciation Audit to be effective, you must protect yourself from fear (since fear and appreciation cannot be present simultaneously). The purpose of this activity is to change the way you view the facts of your life and then use your new view to help you be happy (Baker & Stauth, 2003). To begin the activity, you should set aside three to five minutes three times a day to think about something you appreciate very much. Once that appreciation is in your brain, fear cannot be. The effects of this activity last up to a couple of hours after it is performed. Therefore, reducing fear for hours at a time (Baker & Stauth).

Self-Appreciation.
The absolute most important type of appreciation is self-appreciation. Self-appreciation is crucial in order to achieve happiness. Baker and Stauth (2003) say, "the best way to get over feeling sorry for yourself is to appreciate yourself" (p. 163). Having any type of appreciation, particularly self-appreciation is a choice, which will be discussed later in the report (Baker & Stauth).

Victimization.
Another negative feeling that appreciation can help get rid of is victimization. Victimization will be discussed in more detail in the Personal Power section.

Personal Power
Having personal power is a very strong tool for overcoming fear and entering the world of happiness. Personal power can be described as charisma, strength, individuality, heart, will, or character. Personal power is what gives you the ability to make choices in your life (Baker & Stauth, 2003). The impact of having a sense of choice will be discussed later.

Above, I listed optimism as one of the qualities of happiness. According to the authors (2003), "optimism gives you power over fear of the future and over regret of the past" (p. 20). Although personal power is such a strong tool, it is easily and often diminished by the following four common beliefs (Baker & Stauth, 2003, p. 148):

• I have been victimized (Victimization).
• I am entitled to more (Entitlement).
• I 'll be rescued (Rescue).
• Someone else is to blame (Blame).

I will discuss each of these in more detail shortly, but first it is important to know how you can obtain personal power.

The most effective way to obtaining personal power is not just understanding yourself, it is being yourself. In order to be yourself, you must live up to your personal values and forget what others think about you (Baker & Stauth, 2003). Living up to your personal values is a very rewarding act. People who know what their values are and live up to them have more focus, security, purpose, peace of mind, and fulfillment in their lives (Baker & Stauth). On the other hand, not knowing what your values are is an easy way to lose your personal power.

Another way people lose their person power is by trading in their values for the above mentioned common beliefs: Victimization, Entitlement, Rescue, and Blame. Baker and Stauth (2003) refer to these as VERBs (p. 156).

Victimization.
Although other people can hurt you, the only person who can victimize you is you. The key to victimization is remembering that life is going to hurt, and if it doesn 't hurt, it 's not life (Baker & Stauth, 2003). Victimization is allowing yourself to get wrapped up in the hurt, constantly reliving it, fearing the future and grieving the past (Baker & Stauth).

Contrary to what people may believe, you can be a victim without feeling victimization. People make the transition from victim to victimization is when you allow fear to enter the situation (Baker & Stauth, 2003). Allowing fear to enter also results in people feeling frozen in the moment, constantly reliving the hurt.

The problem with victimization with many people is that it becomes a way of life for them. The people feeling victimized first feel comforted by it, especially when they find other people feeling the same way. Then, they get accustomed to the lifestyle of victimization and live their lives based on it. Before they know it, they are actually enjoying the victimization (Baker & Stauth, 2003). What these people don 't realize is that they can never truly be happy with the victimization in their lives.

As mentioned, victimization is rooted from fear and it is impossible to be happy if you are living with fear. The best way to rid the feelings of victimization is to focus on appreciation, particularly self-appreciation (Baker & Stauth, 2003).

Entitlement.
The feeling of entitlement is extremely common. People feel entitled to certain possessions or the right to try to make it in the world. Many people hope to receive happiness by getting the things they feel they are entitled to, however, they usually get the opposite of happiness through this. Baker and Stauth (2003) say that entitlement leads to satisfaction without effort and satisfaction without effort creates dissipation, alienation, boredom, weakness, and a sense of worthlessness (p. 164).

Rescue.
A common reaction to the feeling of fear is to cry out for help, for somebody to rescue you. Most of today 's psychologists believe that this cry for help is the first step towards healing. Baker and Stauth disagree. They believe that it is appropriate to call for help when you do not possess fear. They say that when you cry for help when you possess fear, you are giving up your own personal power to whomever it is that "rescues" you. Baker & Stauth (2003) believe that "with a clear head and strong heart, you can get the assistance you need without giving up your own personal power" (p. 168).

Most people don 't realize that they are even looking to be rescued. When you think that something is missing in your life and you can 't be happy until you have it, you are looking to be rescued. In general, men look to money for rescue and women look to relationships. It 's a funny fact that a majority of people who get what it is that they think can truly make them happy, they rarely become happy because of it (Baker & Stauth, 2003).

Blame.
Blame is another common way people lose their personal power. By blaming someone, you are giving them control over your feelings and fate (Baker & Stauth, 2003). Blame is a terrible game that allows you to pity yourself and hate those who have hurt you. It makes you hold grudges, want revenge, and take pleasure in the suffering of those you blame (Baker & Stauth). The worst part of blame is that you feel justified in taking pleasure of the suffering of those you blame.

A common misconception with blame is that if you blame yourself you will feel tough and strong. However, blaming yourself not only eliminates your personal power, it is just another way fear makes its way into your life. Blaming yourself is fear disguised. And by now, we know that it 's impossible to be happy when we possess fear.

How do you get rid of blame? The same way you get rid of all other forms of fear: appreciation, as well as love. Baker & Stauth (2003) say that "when your heart is focused on love, you don 't indulge in blame" (p. 176).

Free Yourself of the VERBs.
Once you are able to free yourself from the VERBs, your life will begin to change. This is what Baker and Stauth (2003) recommend you do in order to free yourself from the VERBs and begin to see happiness (p. 177):

• When you begin feel like a victim, stop!
• When you begin to feel entitled, stop!
• When you being to feel the need for rescue, stop!
• When you begin to feel the need to blame, stop!

Replacing the VERB tools with the happiness tools is what happy people do.

A Recognition of Strength
Many people live by the misunderstanding that the way to become a better or happier person is to fix or get rid of your weaknesses. However, Baker and Stauth (2003) say that the most effective way for you to turn your life around is to focus and build upon your strengths (p. 71). They also note that focusing on your strengths is more effective than focusing on your weaknesses because it simply feels better. Focusing on your strengths creates energy, rewards, and is self-sustaining (Baker & Stauth). Another reason it is important to focus on strengths is because many of the qualities of happiness are unachievable without knowing your strengths (Baker & Stauth).

The power of recognizing your strengths is reinforced by a study performed long ago by B.F. Skinner. The purpose in his study was to learn how people acted when they were rewarded for actions in comparison to when they were punished. He discovered that rewards were extremely more powerful than punishments (Baker & Stauth, 2003). This study confirms that focusing on strengths is more powerful than focusing on weaknesses.

Best Practices Tool.
The Best Practices Tool is a great way for individuals (and businesses) to focus on and learn about their strengths. The Best Practices Tool is done by having people answer a variety of constructive questions, such as (Baker & Stauth, 2003, p. 197):

• What makes you happiest?
• When were you happiest?
• How did you become that happy then?
• What do you like most about yourself?
• What brings out the best in your?

According to Baker and Stauth (2003), many people put more focus on what they wish were their strengths, rather than what their strengths actually are. This activity helps reform people 's focus to their actual strengths (Baker & Stauth). Once they know their actual strengths, they can then begin to build upon them.

A Sense of Choice
Having a sense of choice can help you obtain two of the qualities of happiness: a sense of freedom and proactivity. Freedom is a choice. Proactivity is also a choice. "When we choose, we define who we are" (Baker & Stauth, 2003, p. 20). An important thing to remember when thinking about choice is that happy people choose to follow their true passions, not things such as money.

Having a sense of choice feels good for a couple different reasons. Having a sense of choice is so satisfying because it also gives you a sense of being in charge. Secondly, it is the ultimate expression of free will (Baker & Stauth, 2003). Baker and Stauth (2003) say:

Free will defines us as human beings and is the foundation of self-esteem.
We only have self-esteem when we act in accord with our own values, and to do this, we 've got to make choices—oftentimes tough ones. It 's not easy to live up to your values. But when you choose to follow your beliefs, you get a feeling like no other (p. 130-131).

You can strengthen the benefits of having a sense of choice when using it in combination with appreciation. People who have a sense of choice need to be very brave and protective of it. No doubt, others will try to take away your sense of choice, but you have to resist them. Remind yourself that if you follow your heart, you 'll probably make the right choice (Baker & Stauth, 2003).

The Power of Language and Stories
Baker and Stauth (2003) show how powerful language and stories are when they say, "we do not describe the world we see, we see the world we describe" (p. 205). It used to be believed that language was so important because it allowed us to describe the world we experienced until it was discovered that the world is nothing until we describe it, therefore, we see the world we describe (Baker & Stauth).

The connection between language and happiness is less obvious than some of the other happiness tools. Baker and Stauth (2003) say that having the ability to create meaning through language gives people the ability to find happiness in ordinary and even misfortunate events (p. 208).

The other type of language that is very important is self-talk. Self-talk is a very powerful tool, therefore it is important that you choose your words carefully. You should try to use constructive language rather than destructive language. Using destructive language can create perceptions that have the ability to ruin your life (Baker & Stauth, 2003). A rule of thumb to follow when using self-talk is to talk to yourself the way you want others to talk to you. For example, you would not want someone to say to you "Wow, you look so fat in those jeans," so don 't say it to yourself in your self-talk (Baker & Stauth).

People who are most likely to use the destructive language are people who are living in fear. The following are some examples of destructive language that Baker & Stauth (2003) suggest you stay away from (p. 215):

• You never…
• I 'm not good at…
• You don 't understand…
• I 'm afraid that…
• I don 't care about…

The following are some examples of constructive language that Baker & Stauth (2003) suggest you use instead of destructive language (p. 215):

• I love when you…
• I appreciate the…
• The best part is…
• We 'll succeed if…
• That 's a good point…

By changing your language from destructive to constructive language, you can begin to change your life. Changing your language can help change your perception and thought processes, and hopefully help you get out of the rut of fear (Baker & Stauth, 2003).

Multidimensional Living
The last yet certainly not the least powerful tool to happy living is multidimensional living. There are three components to everyone 's lives: relationships, health, and purpose. Baker (2003) asks people "are you winning at life?" and by this he means, "how are you doing at the three most important elements of your life?" (p. 224).

The problem with most people is that they do not have a happy balance of the three components, most people put most of their energy into one of the areas. For a lot of people, that area is work (purpose). People may choose to put all of their energy into work because work helps reduce our fears of not having enough or not being enough (Baker & Stauth, 2003). For others, that area is relationships.

Putting all of your energy into one component will prevent you from being happy. Being happy is a result of living a full life (Baker & Stauth, 2003).

Synthesis

Personal Experience
I was going through a lot of problems and emotional times when I was in high school. While going through all of these difficult times, I felt that I had lost total control of my life. It was spinning out of control faster than I could ever imagine. I had lost power of my life. I was obviously living in fear. No matter how hard I tried to be happy, I could not be happy until I overcame my fear.

I became such a perfectionist. Not too far off from Bree Van De Kamp on Desperate Housewives! I thought that by becoming a perfectionist I had finally regained control of my life. Through this control I thought that I had made myself happy. When I got a 100 percent on a test, I was elated. But if I were to get a 95 percent on a test, I was devastated. Everything had to be perfect in order for me to be happy. I thought that I was such a strong person because I was able to overcome my difficulties, gain total control of my life, and live happily. Or so I thought.

When I look back on my experiences in high school, I know now that I wasn 't truly happy, but I just didn 't know why not. After reading Dan Baker and Cameron Stauth 's What Happy People Know, now I know. I learned that my perfectionism was extremely self-destructive. My thoughts that I was so strong, was just my fear disguised. I learned that perfectionism was solely my fear disguised.

Other Readings
Baker and Stauth 's discussion about self-talk reinforced what I had read in Hendrie Weisinger 's Emotional Intelligence at Work about inner-dialogue.

Baker & Stauth (2003) said that you can tell if you are unhappy if you use a lot of self-talk that uses the above mentioned destructive words. You can learn a lot about your happiness or unhappiness by paying attention to what words you use in your self-talk.

Weisinger (1998) says that you can look for patterns in your inner-dialogue such as insecurity, recurring doubts, or maybe you always engage in positive inner-dialogue (p. 7). By recognizing these patterns, you have the ability to examine whether your inner-dialogue is working for you or against you (Weisinger, 1998).

Although there were some points in the book that I did not agree with, I thought that overall Dan Baker and Cameron Stauth 's What Happy People Know was a very good book. Through reading the book, I learned a lot about myself. Even though I am a happy person, I learned how I can change my way of thinking in order to continue to be happy. The most important lesson I learned from reading the book is the importance of focusing on your strengths rather than your weaknesses. I think in today 's critical world it is so easy to focus on your weaknesses rather than your strengths.

References

Baker, D., & Stauth, C. (2003). What happy people know: How the new science of happiness can change your life for the better .USA: Rodale Inc.

Weisinger, H. (1998). Emotional intelligence at work. CA: Jossey-Bass, 3-212.

References: Baker, D., & Stauth, C. (2003). What happy people know: How the new science of happiness can change your life for the better .USA: Rodale Inc. Weisinger, H. (1998). Emotional intelligence at work. CA: Jossey-Bass, 3-212.