Mrs. Marzette
March 18, 2012
Tough Love of the Tiger Mom
“With no breaks for water or even the bathroom, until at last Lulu learned to play the piece.” Annie Murphy Paul, author of article Tiger Moms: Is Tough Parenting Really the Answer, describes the moment of one of her sources when she had her seven year old daughter practice for many hours until she could play a piano piece perfectly. This iconic source raised an uproar in American society was none other than Amy Chua, author of Battle Hymn of Tiger Mother (Paul, 1). Many people disagree on how Asian parents’ raise their children. Some might say that they are too harsh, they don’t know how to love, or they only care about the grades. This could seem true, but maybe there is more than meets the eye. The Asian community strives in academics and discipline. Some would call them the most successful people on the planet. Pertaining great empires, “These and other hyper-powers owed their success and status in part to acceptance of racial and religious minorities who had been excluded by other societies but whose skills and labor benefited their adopted homelands. (Lum, 2)” Local communities can actually learn from the discipline and diligence of the Asian culture’s teachings. My admiration for the Asian culture has always been strong, but the lack of confidence and creativity from my “stereotypical” Asian friends has always concerned me.
Master Sang H. Kim, my Korean Tae Kwon Do Master for more than fourteen years, has been like a second father to me. We’ve discussed many cultural aspects of life, even his thoughts about the parenting skills of Asians. Master Kim had his kids in his late thirties; he has already seen a lot of parenting skills from a diverse group of Asians. He described the parent’s harshness as an honor bearing for most Asian children. Tsing Lou, author of My Chinese American Problem-and Ours, believes that most Chinese parents ache to be seen as beloved geniuses, be it academic or instrumental, but they can’t necessarily bring that joy to others. “Perhaps we can do so fleetingly, through our children, while they are still young, decades before they, like me, will sit at a piano, Fallen Prodigies in their 40s, their own kids squalling, dogs barking – once perfect dolls who berate themselves for losing their youthful technique. (Tsing Lou, 9)” With the expectations of wannabe geniuses, you’re bound to make mistakes sometimes. It’s almost as if every time an Asian child stumbles they bring dishonor to their family. A Japanese American friend of mine would always tell me that Asian families in local communities talk amongst each other about other families’ children’s honors and dishonors. He explained to me that this was an ongoing cycle within the Asian community. For this reason, many Asian parents raise their children to be intellectual super stars within their local areas.
Many Asian kids feel that their parents are making them feel anxious or distressed. Some schools such as Stuyvesant High School say, “Chinese-Americans at the school spoke of the constant stress of having pushy parents, despite winning places at the elite school. (Dumas, 2)” I can sense these feelings in my community back home and here in Prairie View University. Although one of my friends is in college and about a good hour away from his hometown, he can still feel the intense, academic pressure from his family. “ You get ninety six. I asked for one hundred!” Many Asian children are not able to feel the social aspects of an American life due to the fact that their upbringing is so intense compared to most children. Happiness is essential for a meaningful life.
Carol Dweck, who dislikes the Tiger Mom mentality, believes that the growth mind set is more effective when a student is willing to take risks and learn from their mistakes; Dweck explains that a student should be comfortable trying new pursuits (Hoerr, 3). Outsiders of the Asian Community cannot solve the solution to this problem, but I believe it can be helped. I was raised based on a reward system, rather than a pressured one. In high school, I ultimately found the importance of a good education and continued to strive for success amongst my classmates without thinking much of the benefits. I had many Asian friends who questioned my ways, consisting of making good grades and being socially active with my community. As a friend, I had to show my friends’ so called “tiger moms” that there are other ways of gaining success by pushing the idea of attending parties, sleep over’s, and just hanging out with his or her friends while making good grades. Slowly they came to like me more and more. While driving to social events, my friends of Asian descent usually told me that their moms would ask, “Will Twain be at this party?” In an essence, I feel like I was able to help my friends learn more about the social aspects of life through my differential upraising.
Minorities and Non Asian friends of Asian children can make a difference in their work, consumed friends’ lives by just excelling and making friends with the entire family. Academics are important but so is the understanding of the society around you. How can you run a great business if you’ve never truly experienced a life filled with social contact? The Asian community trumps the education system of most Americans. But as a community, I feel, their children are suffering from negligence of their creative mentality and social connections through the expectations of the “Tiger Mom”.
Work Cited
Tsing Lou, S. (2011, April) My chinese american problem-and ours: The national convulsion over Tiger moms has led parents to hate or fear people like me. They should feel sorry for us instead. Atlantic Monthly. Retrieved from http://web.ebscohost.com/ehost/detail?sid=b8481ddd-91dc-433e-896f-0539e8a8000d%40sessionmgr14&vid=6&hid=108&bdata=JnNpdGU9ZWhvc3QtbGl2ZQ%3d%3d#db=a9h&AN=59269518
Lum, L. (2011, May 12) More than just a tiger mom. Diverse: Issues in Higher Education. Retrieved fromhttp://web.ebscohost.com/ehost/detail?sid=b8481ddd-91dc-433e-896f-0539e8a8000d%40sessionmgr14&vid=9&hid=108&bdata=JnNpdGU9ZWhvc3QtbGl2ZQ%3d%3d#db=a9h&AN=60613619
Hoerr, T. R. (2011, May) The tiger mom mind-set. Educational Leadership. Retrieved from http://web.ebscohost.com/ehost/detail?sid=b8481ddd-91dc-433e-896f-0539e8a8000d%40sessionmgr14&vid=14&hid=104&bdata=JnNpdGU9ZWhvc3QtbGl2ZQ%3d%3d#db=a9h&AN=60719880
Dumas, D. (2012, January 18) Tiger mothers have it wrong as new studies suggest highly pressured children are more prone to depression and anxiety. Mail Online. Retrieved from http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2088117/Tiger-Moms-Studies-suggest-highly-pressured-children-prone-depression-anxiety.html.
Murphy, P. (2011, January 20) Tiger moms: is tough parenting really the answers?. Time Magazine. Retrieved from http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,2043477,00.html.
Cited: Tsing Lou, S. (2011, April) My chinese american problem-and ours: The national convulsion over Tiger moms has led parents to hate or fear people like me. They should feel sorry for us instead. Atlantic Monthly. Retrieved from http://web.ebscohost.com/ehost/detail?sid=b8481ddd-91dc-433e-896f-0539e8a8000d%40sessionmgr14&vid=6&hid=108&bdata=JnNpdGU9ZWhvc3QtbGl2ZQ%3d%3d#db=a9h&AN=59269518 Lum, L. (2011, May 12) More than just a tiger mom. Diverse: Issues in Higher Education. Retrieved fromhttp://web.ebscohost.com/ehost/detail?sid=b8481ddd-91dc-433e-896f-0539e8a8000d%40sessionmgr14&vid=9&hid=108&bdata=JnNpdGU9ZWhvc3QtbGl2ZQ%3d%3d#db=a9h&AN=60613619 Hoerr, T. R. (2011, May) The tiger mom mind-set. Educational Leadership. Retrieved from http://web.ebscohost.com/ehost/detail?sid=b8481ddd-91dc-433e-896f-0539e8a8000d%40sessionmgr14&vid=14&hid=104&bdata=JnNpdGU9ZWhvc3QtbGl2ZQ%3d%3d#db=a9h&AN=60719880 Dumas, D. (2012, January 18) Tiger mothers have it wrong as new studies suggest highly pressured children are more prone to depression and anxiety. Mail Online. Retrieved from http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2088117/Tiger-Moms-Studies-suggest-highly-pressured-children-prone-depression-anxiety.html. Murphy, P. (2011, January 20) Tiger moms: is tough parenting really the answers?. Time Magazine. Retrieved from http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,2043477,00.html.
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