Satire on Asian Parents
Oh hello, didn’t see you there. I was just about to look at my son’s report card. But I don’t even need to look. I know he has all As. He is just like me. I came here all the way from China with no money and no where to start. But I worked my way up and even brought my whole family over (except for my daughter because she can’t carry the family name and some old American couple will adopt her). But I am not sexist. If my son doesn’t meet my expectations, he will have to get disowned as well. When he was born, I drilled into his head that he was going to be a doctor. I made sure his first word was calculus. I taught him the name of every Ivy League school before he learned the full alphabet. Everyday after he gets home he only gets homework time. He does not get to watch TV or play outside, that is a big waste of time. Who needs entertainment or social interaction when you can do lots and lots of math? He has to be number 1. If he even get a single A-, they get the belt, because physical harm obviously makes them smarter. This way he won’t turn out stupid like all the other kids who waste time with sports and friends. Especially girlfriends. I mean, one time my son dared to tell me he was interested in a white girl. I immediately slapped him and told him if he didn’t marry Asian, I would throw him into the woods. He spent two whole hours crying which could have been spent on math!! So much wasted time. Even though you might think otherwise, I do believe in activities other than school for my son. That is known as piano. My son has to practice two hours a day 7 days a week. It doesn’t matter if they will never touch an instrument again after high school, they must play piano so I can brag about how good they are to other parents. If he doesn’t meet my expectations for music he doesn’t get to eat so he can focus on his piano more, which is so much more important than eating. I mean, if you have good musical talent you can get into a good college, but how much food