Phenomenology of Love
A PHENOMENOLOGY OF LOVE
Loneliness and Love
The experience of love begins from the experience of loneliness. The experience of loneliness is basically a human experience. Because man as man is gifted with self-consciousness, there comes a point in the stage of man’s life that he comes to an awareness of his unique self and the possibilities open to him. He becomes aware that he is different from others, that he is not what others (like his parents) think him to be. As a child, his gaze was turned towards things; toys and candies made up his world. As a child, people were mere extensions of his ego, mere satisfactions of his desires. But as he grows up to become an adolescent, his gaze is gradually turned inwards; he questions the things that were taught to him by his parents and teacher; he searches for his own identity. “Who am I?” become more important than the toys and candies that once were objects of his desires. Too old to be identified with the child and too young to be considered an adult, he feels misunderstood, unwanted, alone.
His natural tendency is to seek out his fellow adolescents for understanding and acceptance. Together they invent their own language, their own music. It is in the barkada that he finds equality. But then what has equality come to mean? It has come to mean uniformity, sameness in actuality. The adolescent groups himself with his barkada because they happen to have the same likes and dislikes as he. Very often, he has a different barkada for sports, a different barkada for movies, another barkada for work and study. Very seldom does he find himself in a group who will take him for all that he is, different from the group.
Until this equality will mean oneness in difference, the person will remain lonely amidst a crowd. Loneliness is possible even if one is immersed in the crowd. In an attempt to conform to the group and hide one’s individuality, his loneliness eventually expresses itself as an experience of boredom.
Loneliness and Love
The experience of love begins from the experience of loneliness. The experience of loneliness is basically a human experience. Because man as man is gifted with self-consciousness, there comes a point in the stage of man’s life that he comes to an awareness of his unique self and the possibilities open to him. He becomes aware that he is different from others, that he is not what others (like his parents) think him to be. As a child, his gaze was turned towards things; toys and candies made up his world. As a child, people were mere extensions of his ego, mere satisfactions of his desires. But as he grows up to become an adolescent, his gaze is gradually turned inwards; he questions the things that were taught to him by his parents and teacher; he searches for his own identity. “Who am I?” become more important than the toys and candies that once were objects of his desires. Too old to be identified with the child and too young to be considered an adult, he feels misunderstood, unwanted, alone.
His natural tendency is to seek out his fellow adolescents for understanding and acceptance. Together they invent their own language, their own music. It is in the barkada that he finds equality. But then what has equality come to mean? It has come to mean uniformity, sameness in actuality. The adolescent groups himself with his barkada because they happen to have the same likes and dislikes as he. Very often, he has a different barkada for sports, a different barkada for movies, another barkada for work and study. Very seldom does he find himself in a group who will take him for all that he is, different from the group.
Until this equality will mean oneness in difference, the person will remain lonely amidst a crowd. Loneliness is possible even if one is immersed in the crowd. In an attempt to conform to the group and hide one’s individuality, his loneliness eventually expresses itself as an experience of boredom.