Parenting Styles and Excessively Permissive Parent

Nowadays parents are too permissive to their children, or Different Parenting Approaches

In GENERAL parents play a great role in theIR children痴 LIVES. I believe that parents should be very careful about the behavior of their children. They should tend to control the activities of children and should not let them to do the activities THAT can give bad results or influence badly ON them. But nowadays parents are too permissive to their children. Is it good or bad for the children? I will explain my viewpoint about this statement in the following paragraphs.

First of all I would like to emphasize that the influence by the parents is very important for the future of the children. If nobody controls and takes care about the children痴 activities they can make a lot of mistakes in their future life. I believe that when a child does any bad activity he or she cannot see the bad result of this activity. If NOBODY notices this child about his/her bad activity, he/she will continue to do this activity, and it will become a habit for this child. After some years he/she cannot stop himself/herself FROM doing this activity. Thus, there should be someone to control the behaviors of children. Children cannot handle their behavior by themselves.

Moreover I would like to underline that friends are also very important IN the habitS of the children. Parents should learn everything about their children痴 friends. If any friend of them has a bad habit, parents should warn their children about it. Children can have some problems with choosing the WRONG person as a friend. The bad activity of the friends can influence any child痴 activity also. Thus, parents should help their children with the choosing their friends.

On the other hand I believe that parents also should BE permissive to their children. I think that if A parent influence every activitY of their children it can impact them badly. In future life these children (cannot) think fluently about any situation and MAY have many problems about making a decision. In every situation they will need the help of others and can MAKE false decisions.

To sum up I would like to emphasize that parents should be very careful about handling the activity of their children. They must keep the limit of influencing to their children. They should not be too unacceptable or too permissive(,) because it very important for gaining the future habitat and the ability IN making a decision independently without THE help of anybody.

The Permissive Parent

Permissive parents generally want their kids to be happy, creative, enjoy life, and feel loved. They also want to enhance their children’s sense of self-empowerment. They enjoy connection with their children. It is precisely during times of play and hanging out when there are no lectures or commands that the best connection between parents and children occurs.
Permissiveness in parenting sometimes stems from the desire to let the child’s creativity flourish and to avoid crushing the child’s sense of empowerment. Permissiveness can also result from not knowing how else to parent. It takes a great deal of effort to consistently engage a child and to take the time to encourage life-promoting behaviors and attitudes.
Problems with Excessive Lenience
1. Demanding and spoiled
Fear of conflict may lead a parent to over-indulge a child. When a child wants to stay up late or to skip soccer practice without a good reason, a parent dreads the child’s whining and protests. Allowing a child to skip one more activity seems to be a small price to pay to avoid a tantrum. Yet, over the long term, responding to whining or begging may cause the behavior to become a pattern. Repeatedly placating a child to minimize resistance only creates greater resistance in the future and into adulthood.
2. Anxious and insecure
Although the child of a permissive parent may get more of her immediate desires fulfilled, the child often feels apprehensive about her excessive power and the chaos that ensues when she gets out of control. Lacking boundaries, the child can suffer from insecurity and find it difficult to cultivate self-discipline into adulthood. Such a child is denied the gift of being able to delay gratification–an ability necessary in attaining any long-term goals, and very important as an adult.
3. No self-discipline
The child doesn’t learn self-discipline and the ability to postpone gratification. An excessively permissive parent cheats his or her child out of the ability to set goals and the self-discipline to achieve them. Without these abilities, a child expects to be passively entertained. This is not gratifying, and it can lead to dependence on others or addictions to bring temporary relief from boredom. Also, the child’s habit of instant gratification makes it difficult for him or her to attain long-term goals, such as learning skills, and succeeding in school, work and long-term relationships.
4. No Respect
The child loses respect for the parent, who cannot handle the anxiety of not immediately gratifying the child. The child also loses the possibility of having a good role model for someone with the self-respect to withstand not gratifying and pleasing those around.

How do we establish boundaries and guidelines for our children without being too oppressive on the one hand and too permissive on the other?

In determining how we would like to parent our children, let’s examine the values at the core of each parenting style. The values at the core of strict discipline are responsibility, self-discipline, and perseverance, all of which enable us to do things we don’t feel like doing, such as homework and demanding work. The values at the core of permissive parenting are respect, kindness, and creativity-qualities that make life enjoyable. The lenient parent fears that the child’s imagination and sensibilities will be crushed by an overbearing approach.
Both sets of values are essential and valid, and the good news is that they are not mutually exclusive. Both sets of needs can be met simultaneously. In fact, it is one-sided parenting that causes most problems. An excessively stern parent becomes machine like in only valuing the child’s results and productivity, losing sight of the ineffable qualities of humanity-such as the joy of humor, imagination, spontaneity, and the importance of feelings and relationships. The purpose of productivity loses its meaning when the vitality of life vanishes–a root problem of so many challenges today.
In contrast, an excessively permissive parent cheats his or her child out of the ability to set goals and the self-discipline to achieve them. Without these abilities, a child expects be gratified by being passively entertained. Not only is this not fulfiiling, it inevitably leads to dependence on others or on addictive behaviors that bring temporary relief from boredom of passivity.
Thus, children need both to be treated with respect and to learn self-discipline. Discipline can be effective if the manner of giving it is respectful and done with a non-threatening manner and voice. You can, for instance, be extremely strict about the rule of a child’s not going into the fenced-off swimming pool without a parent being present. The reasons can be explained firmly, though not threateningly. The child has to believe the parent is very serious, but not angry.
Many couples struggle with their different parenting styles, one being generally strict and one laissez faire. We also struggle within ourselves-if we are too permissive and things become chaotic, we may explode with anger. If we are overly strict and that doesn’t work, we may give up completely. Often, one spouse allows the other to do all the parenting or to determine the style of parenting because of his or her fear of conflict. Although there’s no apparent struggle here, one spouse has given up his or her ability to take a stand in relation to the spouse and children. This is neither good for the relationship nor good role modeling for the children.
Differences between spouses on methods of parenting stem mostly from what we experienced from our own parents. Our primary parenting style is often either a reflection of or a negative response to the more dominant parenting style of our two parents. As such, it is deeply ingrained. The two dominant parenting styles reflect two dominant values in our culture: responsibility and freedom. Responsibility places emphasis on the work ethic, which values productivity & organization. Freedom has its emphasis on creativity, choices, and feelings.