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my short journal

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my short journal
The true meaning of cool to me is a steady dispassionate calmness and self-control. When I look around, teenagers at my age mostly are in a 'lovey-dovey' phase of their life. It is the best age for us to enjoy our life the most with colours and one of it is love. Having someone to love and care about you is one of lovely thing that will make you smile everytime you open your eyes in the morning, especially to find a message wishing a 'good day' for you. Right now, I am holding a grip of myself to not feel insecure about my lonely-forever-single life and yes, I am cool.

Running away from your problems is a race that you will never win. It was me and I am wondering am I still like that. Because of this, I loss my friends and also opportunities to stand up higher than I am right now. I had an issue to speak up my inner thoughts and also had less courage to stand out of my mediocrity space. If I was frank with myself and also people around me, things should be different at the first place. But how much deeply I think about it, nothing will ever going to change. Yet, if there is a chance for me to change one thing about myself, I would change my inner-self that was a coward and shy.

It was February, 12th in 1812, the season in London was coming in a fortnight.I woke up in the morning and cleaned myself with hot water that Letty, one of our housekeeper had prepared for me. I brushed my hair while wandering outside the window imagining how interesting the season would be since I will be making my debut during the upcoming season. I got downstairs to the dining hall just to find that everybody in the house had go out with their own occasions. Daddy and Mama were giving a visit to our estate where else Johnny, my older brother had keeping himself busy in his office since he will be taking over Daddy's place after I get betrothed after the season. I could feel butterfly flying in my stomach when suddenly the word 'betrothed' hit my mind.

If I wake up in one morning to find out that myself has turns invisible, I would dash to my crush place just to watch him doing his everyday life. This would give me the best opportunity for me to watch his hidden habits, his secret favorites that no one ever notices. For the first time, I will get to see him without him or anyone will heed about it as crushes are supposedly a deep secret of any individual. It is a fact and I have tried it myself that by watching person you love will boost your spirit and mind. How lovable would it be if this truly happen.

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