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Mary Ainsworth's Attachment Styles

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Mary Ainsworth's Attachment Styles
Attachment styles have been studied for many centuries. The quest to understand how we develop these attachments and what affects them has led to many studies throughout history. Mary Ainsworth's studies and research are the most well-known when it comes to attachment styles. From her research and studies we have developed three main attachment styles. These styles are secure attachment style, avoidant attachment style, and anxious/ambivalent attachment style. Each person will fall somewhere within these three categories. In this essay I will discuss the attachment style in which I fall under and its effects of my life. Out of the three attachment styles I would have to say I have a tendency to lean towards the avoidant attachment style. I …show more content…
I do not form bonds with others very well. I have only one close friend. We have been friends since kindergarten. Apart from her I find it relatively difficult to be close to other people. I do not let people get very close to me and still push people away. I find it hard to convince myself that I can depend on someone and therefore I never put much trust in the relationship. My husband tells me I am good at making acquaintances but have no friends, in which I have to agree he is very correct. This ultimately leaves me a little lonely. While I have him and two, almost three wonderful children, I lack the intimacy and bond with other adults my age. This leads to some sense of aloneness and I have no one to depend on when I really need it.
I do think that my attachment style is very similar as it was with my parents. I never developed a strong emotional bond growing up. While I knew my parents loved each other they did not really express it, at least not in front of us. I can say looking back I maybe saw my parents kiss one or two times. While all my needs were met and I was well provided for I did still avoid getting close even to them. I did not share my feelings with them and when asked I tended to push them away and just avoid the …show more content…
One thing might be that one suffered a long bout of rocky, unstable, or abusive relationships therefore they changed from a secure to an avoidant style. Also major negative life events can change the attachment style negatively such as a suicide of a parent. Just as with negative changes, an attachment style can be improved also. Things that could change an avoidant style to a secure style could consist of having a partner with a secure attachment style and a healthy marriage. One can work on building a better attachment style through therapy and doing things such as identifying, honoring, and assertively expressing their emotional needs. Another big thing is to practice accepting yourself as a person. I am a strong believer in the saying that in order to love and respect someone else you must first love and respect
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