How to land your Kid in Therapy

Spoiled Rotten Few people would dispute that a child needs the proper support and encouragement in order to blossom into a happy and well-rounded adult, but could too much love result in unhappiness? In her magazine article "How to Land Your Kid in Therapy", Lori Gottlieb is perplexed by her patients who seemingly have the best of everything, yet feel an overwhelming sense of unhappiness, unfulfillment and indecisiveness. Most of these patients had parents who were their “best friends”, supported them to no end. She grapples with a question: Could their parents have done too much? By reading the title, I was interested and by delving deeper I discovered that the article brings multiple perspectives on possibly detrimental behavior. Although a few points were based on assumptions, a majority of the points made were valid and made the article enjoyable. One perspective I found accurate was that many parents depend on their children for happiness. It is assumed that these days adults in their 20's don't want to grow up, but Gottlieb makes an interesting statement, "The problem may be less kids are refusing to separate and individuate than that their parents are refusing to do so." This is a strong point. Depending on someone else for happiness is fear-based desperation and only diminishes freedom. Many parents lack a sense of purpose outside childrearing so much that they make the child the main focus of the family as opposed to a part of the whole. Most young adults even the coddled ones, still want to venture out and experience some degree of independence. I've come across an experience similar to this. My best friend is the youngest in her family will be the last to go off to college in Washington and her parents have discussed moving to Seattle to start a new life, so that she will not be too far away from them. This is a prime example of life revolving around offspring and is all too common. Although I agree with most points in the article, I don't agree with the theory that giving a child fewer choices earlier will help them to stick with things later on in life. Gottlieb quotes Barry Schwartz, a psychologist at Swarthmore, "Kids feel safer and less anxious with fewer choices; fewer options help them to commit to some things and let go of others, a skill they'll need later in life." Although this makes sense in theory, this rides on the assumption that the only choices a person will experience are those the parents present. With adulthood comes a multitude of choices, whether you've been exposed to them earlier in childhood or not. If anything, it makes sense that having choices would help a person to become decisive, and take responsibility for choices made. Overall, both points in this article touch on the issue of purpose and fulfillment. A parent who makes their child the sole purpose for living will be void of happiness when that child is not around. Children learn from example. Who would an adult look to for an example of how to live, if not their parents? Although parents may serve as examples, their children have the choice to reject certain characteristics in adulthood. From what I have learned, the people who are happiest are those who know themselves and discover their passions and value.