How does Larkin write about marriage in comparison to Abse

“How does Larkin write about marriage” essay question.
In “the Whitsun Weddings” and “self’s the man” we see Larkin portray the theme of marriage and relationships from an outside perspective like in many of his poems- in these two he is an outsider because he is unmarried. In both it seems clear that at face value he is cynical about the thought of being wed to another person.
Martin Amis described Larkin as a man who’s “values and attitudes were utterly, even fanatically negative” and it may seem obvious to some readers that this is true when observing “the Whitsun Weddings”. In the third stanza where the couples are first referenced, Larkin refers to the “noise” that these events create, and appears to do so in a negative way, suggesting they are disturbing him and others in the carriage. In the same stanza, the poet says “the sun destroys the interest of what’s happening in the shade”- this metaphor is used to imply that the speaker is put off by the fact that weddings put the couple only in the spotlight, and other people around them are made unimportant, simply because they aren’t getting married. A snobbish attitude is then adopted by the poet as we move into stanza 4: he appears to look down on the wedding crowd, using derogatory phrases such as “loud”, “fat” and wearing “jewellery substitutes”- this makes Amis’ quote seem very true: even at one of the most joyful events, Larkin finds a way to be negative about it, as he looks down on the couples’ special day. Perhaps the phrase that most clarifies the speakers opinion of being married is where he references it as “a religious wounding”- this instantly suggests Larkin’s view on being married as undesirable, and also confirms the thoughts of the poet on how marriage takes something away from a person, being a sort of “wounding”.
Despite Larkin having an, on the surface, pessimistic view on marriage, when analysing further, it becomes clear that he at least respects it in some way. Hope for the future is an aspect of married life that Larkin values and he uses a detailed metaphor in the final stanza to portray this: “like an arrow-shower sent out of sight”. This arrow shower is unpredictable, like the future of all the married couples on the train, but full of hopes and dreams for what might come of these couples in the future.
When looking at “a scene from married life” by Dannie Abse, it is clear that there are similarities between the two poets’ perspectives, the most significant being that both vaguely agree that marriage has massive difficulties, as Abse shows in this poem by writing about an argument, “our own cold wars during the real Cold War”. However, unlike Larkin, Abse notes that, despite their petty “squabbles”, he and his wife are like the “sea and the sky” in that they will always be together. Abse also writes from an inside perspective unlike Larkin- Abse as experienced married life and talks authentically about it as poet protagonist, unlike Larkin who observes from the outside.
In Larkin’s “self’s the man” we again see, at face value, a “fanatically negative” view on married life, as the poet portrays Arnold’s married life as miserable. His time is taken up “wasting his life on work” to “pay for” the needs of his family. The rhyming scheme is very poor and one may even call it a ‘bad’ poem, which would seem bizarre considering the articulate construction of the other poems in the collection. This doggerel rhyming scheme makes it seem like Larkin wasn’t even trying when he wrote it, like he was having a laugh, which may be significant as it reflects his view of married life, as a sort of joke. The whole poem seems to be Larkin’s own quiet celebration of being un-married, who observes Arnold as someone with an endless list of things to do, and any “planning” to do things being taken up by work.
The last 3 stanzas seem to slow down in pace as the speaker suggests that he and Arnold are “the same”, only that the speaker will be able to continue his life without “sending a van” which would be sent to take Arnold to a mental institute, suggesting if Arnold remains in his current married life, he will go mad. The protagonist hints that the only difference between him and Arnold is that he is not dragged down by being tied to others in marriage. However in the final line, there is the first hint of insecurity in the writers voice, “Or I suppose I can,” much like the “I don’t know” that deflates ‘Mr Bleaney’. The speaker perhaps becomes aware of his own inadequacy. He almost admits that his previous attitude was just a cocky front to make him feel better about the emptiness in his own unmarried, single life. He is, perhaps, unsure that he can stand this – whilst marriage can drive you to insanity, so too, can loneliness.
Abse’s “the Malham bird” is very different to Larkin’s “self’s the man” when looking at marriage. Whilst Larkin’s appears to be a single man pitying a married man, Abse’s is the total opposite: the married, poet protagonist pity’s the Malham bird, a metaphor for a single person like Larkin, which is destined to be forever lonely because it ate the forbidden fruit- never to have a partner, to be forever in isolation. The Malham bird could arguably be seen as Larkin- a lonely outsider who has some benefits gained from being unmarried, but also misses out on the delightful ordeal of married life itself.
In conclusion, it is clear that the 2 poets have massively contrasting views on the prospect of marriage. Larkin, as usual, is rather cynical about the whole idea of it, and observes from an outside, unmarried perspective, whereas Abse admits marriage has its faults, but couldn’t live without his wife and writes about marriage authentically, from a married perspective.