Hormone Replacement Therapy
Thesis Statement
My literature review focus on the possible causes that contribute to the higher index of Alzheimer’s disease in women compared to men such as women life expectancy and menopause, and presents through studies, different types of prevention methods such as hormone replacement therapy (HTR), multivitamin, neuroprotectin supplementation.
Revised paragraph
Two authors, Zandi et. al and Pagaini-Hill, focus on Hormone Replacement Therapy as an effective preventive procedure to lessen the higher rate of AD in Women. According to Zandi et al., basic neuroscience findings suggest that by replacing certain hormones through HTR (Hormone replacement therapy) as well as implementing minerals such as calcium, and multivitamin supplements …show more content…
Unfortunately, I did not receive my second feedback and grade. However, using the first feedback I could identify some issues and a revision had to be done. According to the first grader, I did a good job on synthesizing. However, his main concerns are related to the need of improving the in-text citation of my sources, and work on some basic mechanical errors. One identified mechanical error is that I was writing Alzheimer disease instead of writing Alzheimer's disease. Thus, in order to eliminate all mechanical errors, I read my paper out loud which helped me identify inaccurate words, writing mistakes and mispunctuation. From the peer-critiques I received, they could identify some in-text citation mistakes. Their suggestion was to introduce in-text citation in any area I used paraphrasing. For instance, in my second sentence from the original paragraph, “According to Zandi et al., basic neuroscience”, I used a source through paraphrasing it, however, I did not introduce the page number, which is consider plagiarism. Therefore, in order to improve my citations I used the book First-Year Writing, unit 22-Using Sources. It helped me learn how to use sources properly and avoid plagiarism. Moreover, I added 2 more sentences to help in the transition between sentences and improve the logical progression of ideas. Overall, I did minor changes on my paragraph, however, these simples changes helped improve concision and avoid
My literature review focus on the possible causes that contribute to the higher index of Alzheimer’s disease in women compared to men such as women life expectancy and menopause, and presents through studies, different types of prevention methods such as hormone replacement therapy (HTR), multivitamin, neuroprotectin supplementation.
Revised paragraph
Two authors, Zandi et. al and Pagaini-Hill, focus on Hormone Replacement Therapy as an effective preventive procedure to lessen the higher rate of AD in Women. According to Zandi et al., basic neuroscience findings suggest that by replacing certain hormones through HTR (Hormone replacement therapy) as well as implementing minerals such as calcium, and multivitamin supplements …show more content…
Unfortunately, I did not receive my second feedback and grade. However, using the first feedback I could identify some issues and a revision had to be done. According to the first grader, I did a good job on synthesizing. However, his main concerns are related to the need of improving the in-text citation of my sources, and work on some basic mechanical errors. One identified mechanical error is that I was writing Alzheimer disease instead of writing Alzheimer's disease. Thus, in order to eliminate all mechanical errors, I read my paper out loud which helped me identify inaccurate words, writing mistakes and mispunctuation. From the peer-critiques I received, they could identify some in-text citation mistakes. Their suggestion was to introduce in-text citation in any area I used paraphrasing. For instance, in my second sentence from the original paragraph, “According to Zandi et al., basic neuroscience”, I used a source through paraphrasing it, however, I did not introduce the page number, which is consider plagiarism. Therefore, in order to improve my citations I used the book First-Year Writing, unit 22-Using Sources. It helped me learn how to use sources properly and avoid plagiarism. Moreover, I added 2 more sentences to help in the transition between sentences and improve the logical progression of ideas. Overall, I did minor changes on my paragraph, however, these simples changes helped improve concision and avoid