Homosexuality and the Church

Lindsey Heap
Ms. Dyer
WRTG 150
6 December 2012
Same-Sex Attraction Within the Mormon Church The Situation
The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (Mormons) has always made an effort to stay out of the political arena until recently with the debate over homosexuality and marriage. The debate over homosexuality and marriage is extremely intense and emotional issue for both sides. As disciples of Christ we have a responsibility to be accurate in our awareness on this topic. In order to create more awareness and encourage a more inclusive dialogue, we should have more empathetic and supportive discussions about homosexuality and same-sex marriage within the church. I was born and raised in San Diego, California. I never really thought about homosexuality until my freshman year of high school when Proposition 8 was frequently discussed. Proposition 8 was a California ballot proposition that sought to change the California Constitution to read: "Only marriage between a man and a woman is valid or recognized in California," (Text of Proposed Laws 128). Proposition 8 seemed to be everywhere. It was in my home, it was in my seminary room, it was at my school, it was at my lunch table, and it was on my front lawn. I felt an enormous amount of confliction and confusion over what I knew my family and church believed and what I knew my friends and teachers believed. And there seemed to me no way to reconcile the two different beliefs in my mind. After the proposition was approved and the discussion seemed to die down, I put the issue out of my mind in order to try to obtain peace.
However, two years later the conflict returned. I had two Sunday school teachers who were husband and wife. They taught great lessons. She’d introduce the idea and lead the discussion, but he was the one who spiritually tied the lesson together. I remember feeling the Spirit on numerous occasions from the words he spoke. Imagine my shock when after being released from the calling, he left the church. One of the reasons he left was because he felt like he couldn’t be a part of a church that he felt didn’t accept his gay father. I was very close to this Sunday school teacher and my heart broke when he left the church. My heart broke for his wife, who now had to come to church by herself. Before this event, I’d purposely shut out the information out of fear of the discomfort it would cause me. But after the Sunday school teacher who I loved left, I decided it was time for me to open myself to all sides of the issue and to trust myself with the information. I quickly realized that many once faithful members of the church were leaving because of the church stance on homosexuality. My Sunday school teacher was one of thousands making the exodus. David Hardy, a former bishop, and wife Carlie Hardy left the church because they felt the church forced them to make a terrible decision between abandoning one’s gay child or one’s faith (Rosman 1). Many members have left the church because they felt forced to choose between family members and their religion. In 2011, a comprehensive study called “Understanding Mormon Disbelief” surveyed over 3000 people who had lost their belief in the gospel. The survey revealed that 48 percent cited the church’s stance on homosexuals/ Prop 8 as a “significant” reason for their loss of faith. The percentage of people under 30 who cited this specific issue as being the primary reason for their loss of faith was higher, at 60 percent. The survey supports the conclusion that the confliction members feel over the church stance on homosexuality is a primary reason many members are leaving, and it’s extremely distressing that this issue gives so many people a reason to leave.
The Pain and Fear are Real
The more I read, the more I realize there are two major themes in the articles I read about homosexuality and the church. First, there is an incredible amount of pain associated with homosexuality and the church. Judd Hardy, the homosexual son of previously mentioned David and Carlie Hardy, slashed his wrists after sitting through a Sunday school lesson on Sodom and Gomorrah. Judd says his suicide attempt “wasn’t [done] out of despair as much as it was [done] almost out of duty. The church wanted me to change, and I couldn’t get past that. It was a quick resolution before doing the damage of falling into a life of sin” (Rosman 2-3). Judd’s pain over his homosexuality was so strong that he felt he had to end his own life in order to remain faithful to the church he believed in. Judd Hardy is not alone. According to the Deseret News multi-part series on Teen Suicide in Utah, suicide is the number one cause of death among Utah teens with one-third of the cases being with people who struggle with homosexuality (Dehlin). It’s horrific that so many young members feel so much pain over their homosexuality that they end their lives.
The second major theme is that homosexual members, homosexual family members, and homosexuals in a predominately Mormon community feel an overwhelming amount of fear. In a panel that consisted of gay, lesbian, and bisexual students from the Utah State University one of the audience members asked the question, “Do you feel safe in Logan?” One of the panelists named Amanda answered by recounting the story of when she was attacked by a two men while she was walking home from work. In broad daylight two blocks from the university, they started beating her and yelling obscenities at her until she broke free and ran home. Cars drove by, but nobody stopped to help (Sinor). She had done nothing to provoke the attack; the only reason they attacked her because of her homosexuality. In a town where some of the residents don’t even lock their doors, Amanda and others like her don’t feel safe. There are endless stories about homosexual members of the church who are too afraid to even talk about their homosexuality to their families for fear of rejection, shame, and even cruelty. While many of us choose to ignore this problem, there are many like my former Sunday school teacher where the pain defines them. We need to acknowledge and recognize that their pains and fears are real. We cannot afford to be flippant or ignorant about the pain and fear that dominates so many people in our communities’ lives.
Alleviating the Pain and Fear
Having explained the enormity of the predicament, I’d like to suggest various ways on how we can alleviate this pain and fear. The first thing we can do is educate ourselves about the church’s stance on homosexuality. Many members of the church believe that the Church’s stance on homosexuality is that it is a choice. But according to the LDS Newsroom in 2006 on Same Gender Attraction with Elder Dallin H. Oaks and Elder Lance B. Wickman the church has no stance on the nature versus nurture debate. In the end it doesn’t affect our views on homosexuality or on same-sex marriage. Elder Oaks also makes it clear that we should not view gay Mormons as sinful people. There is no sin in having certain inclinations. There is only sin in yielding to temptation. Furthermore, many members of the church don’t realize that homosexuals can have full membership in the Church like everyone else. Many people within the Church and outside the Church believe a person cannot be both gay and Mormon. This is false. In fact, President Gordon B. Hinckley said as long as homosexual members keep all the commandments, they are eligible and worthy to serve missions, receive their temple endowment, and serve in ward callings (“What Are People Asking About Us?”). The Church has a clear invitation for gay Mormons to “stay with us” on its new website entitled Love One Another: A Discussion On Same-Sex Attraction. This information is important for church members to know because understanding our church’s view on homosexuality can eliminate the fear we have in discussing the issue. The more we know about a topic the less fear and confusion we have when discussing it. This elimination of fear will hopefully lead to a more supportive and inclusive dialogue when discussing homosexuality in the church.
Since debate and discussion are affective ways to eliminate the fear and pain over homosexuality in the Church it is important that we promote this discussion. However, sometimes, we as Mormons say things that make discussion impossible. One of the things members of the church sometimes say is that homosexuality is a choice. Telling someone who is struggling with homosexuality that they chose this struggle is extremely hurtful. They will immediately feel attacked and stop listening. When members say this, we make debate or discussion impossible because there can be no debate when there are two contradictory premises. Furthermore, there’s more and more evidence that many things, not just homosexuality, are possibly a genetically influenced condition. According to a study published in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences evidence in the brain indicates that alcoholism, propensity to use violence, homosexuality, and even the likelihood that a person could come out to vote are all things that are possibly genetically influence conditions. Still, some people in the church might think homosexuality must be a choice because God would not be so cruel as to allow someone to be born gay. But the fact that someone may be born with same-sex attraction does not mean God is cruel and unfair. The church has always taught that everyone is born with different temptations. Temptation is not unique. Even Christ was tempted. Certain temptations that some spend their whole lives resisting, might not be an issue for someone else. But no matter what temptation one deals with “the natural man is an enemy to God” (Mosiah 3:19). As members of Christ church we need to exercise greater sensitivity when discussing whether one is born homosexual or whether someone chooses homosexuality. By exercising greater sensitivity we encourage more discussion which can lead to greater understanding and empathy within the church.
Another thing church members say that makes discussion difficult is “same-sex marriage by definition is impossible.” Members say that marriage means only between a man and a woman; we cannot go and change the meaning of words. This is not actually true. Language is always evolving. If it weren’t evolving we would still all be speaking the ancient language of our ancestors. Definitions of words do change. For example the word nice today means agreeable and kind. But according to Online Etymology Dictionary the word nice in the 1300s meant “foolish, stupid, senseless.” And even if language didn’t evolve, it’s unreasonable to assume that we can resolve such an emotionally charged topic simply by opening a dictionary. Additionally, this is a poor argument because it fails to engage in the real debate. Our church doesn’t oppose same-sex marriage because of our commitment to the English language. The reason the church doesn’t support same-sex marriage is because scriptures and modern revelations have revealed to the prophet God’s stance on marriage, family, and homosexuality. God says homosexual activity is a sin. God defines marriage as between a man and a woman. Though we do not have a strong commitment to the English language, we do have a strong commitment and love for God. We put our faith and trust in God and our leaders, and follow their advice and counsel. But just because we don’t believe in gay marriage, doesn’t mean we don’t support the homosexual members of our church. Refraining from saying things that prevent discussion will help eliminate the pain and confusion on this topic and could lead to a more inclusive dialogue within the church.
Another way to eliminate the pain and fear on this subject is by being empathetic to what our church’s stance on homosexuality means for gay Mormons. The church expects celibacy for all its unmarried members. Since the church firmly believes that God has defined marriage as strictly between a man and a woman, most homosexual Mormons who chose to stay in the Church will not be able to marry in this life. Although there are cases of homosexuals marrying heterosexuals in the Church, the Church has made it clear that “marriage should not be viewed as a therapeutic step to solve problems such as homosexual inclinations or practices” (“Reverence and Morality”). This means the Church does not recommend marriage as a “cure” for homosexuality. Because homosexuals will most likely not marry in this life, they are expected to live a life without intimacy. It’s important that we recognized how incredibly lonely and heartbreaking this is for homosexuals in the Church. Our Church weekly stresses the importance of marriage and family, and for some members this is a dream that will not come in this life. This means a life lonelier than the one they originally envisioned. By having Christ-like empathy on this issue we further support the homosexuals in our community.
We should also acknowledge the incredible amount of faith that the devout, gay Mormons possess. They have promised to remain lonely in this life, in order to have full joy in the next. That is an incredible sacrifice that requires a lot of faith. However, many gay Mormons find great joy in this life. On the church website Love One Another: A Discussion of Same-Sex Attraction gay Mormons Ty and Ted talk about how putting their faith and trust in God has brought them “immense hope and joy in this life.” Ted says, “There has been no greater joy in my life than watching people come from hopelessness and despair into light.” Both acknowledge that any sacrifice they have made in this life is worth it because of the peace and joy they feel now. Both have had moments of darkness, but they have incredible faith and trust in Christ that everything will be okay. We should celebrate and support that faith and love that they clearly have in God.
The Need for Support In order to further help the homosexual community within the church, we need to create an environment within the church that allows homosexuals to feel accepted and loved. After Judd Hardy’s suicide attempt his parents pulled out of all church activities. Judd’s younger brother James Hardy told his parents, “I have an older brother I honor, respect, and look up to, and this is a church that doesn’t have a place for him.” We need to create a place for Judd and all the other homosexual Mormons. Ryan Shattuck in an interview where he discussed what it was like growing up gay and Mormon said “They [gay Mormons] don’t know where to go, where to turn…There’s a huge desire, a huge need, for gay Mormons to get together and talk about what to do with their lives.” I’m not suggesting we begin supporting the homosexual life style, but we are a church that welcomes everyone. One of the purposes of organized religion is to help everyone handle their temptations, especially people with more devastating temptations. In fact as followers of Christ it is our duty to provide support. According to Elder Oaks, “All should understand that persons (and their family members) struggling with the burden of same-sex attraction are in special need of the love and encouragement that is a clear responsibility of church members, who have signified by covenant their willingness to bear one another 's burden and so fulfill the law of Christ” (Walker). It would be incredibly beneficial for the church to organize support groups where gay men and women could get together and feel loved and supported. This way they can be recognized for who they are, and not feel like they have to choose between their homosexuality and their religion.
Furthermore, these groups could help combat the statistics of gay members who are considering suicide. According to BYU’s Understanding Same-Gender Attraction (USGA) there are 1,800 LGBT students on campus. Of those 1,800 74 percent have considered suicide, and 24 percent say they have attempted suicide (Locker). Support groups would shrink these numbers and alleviate the pain of this issue. Support groups would also eliminate much of the fear our Mormon culture has on even discussing homosexuality in public. With the number of members leaving over the issue, and the number of homosexual members contemplating suicide we simply cannot continue to be quiet. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints has repeatedly been recognized and admired for our ability to quickly respond to a crisis. Right now we are facing an internal crisis and we need to respond. Support groups and an environment of understanding can heal a lot of the pain members of the church are feeling, and most importantly they have the potential to save lives.
Conclusion
The church leadership recognizes that a change is needed within the church over this issue. Though the church’s position on same-sex marriage is not changing, the leadership of the church recognize that a “change is needed to help our own members and families understand how to deal with same gender attraction” (Oaks). Whether you realize it or not, you probably know someone in the church who is gay. It might even be someone you love. We need to abstain from saying thoughtless things that discourage discussion. We need to realize that we are all children of God. We need to create an environment where people feel like they can accept who they are and still be a member of the church. We need to recognize the pain and sacrifice that homosexuals go through all the time. While the gospel of Jesus Christ focuses a lot on discipline, its main message is one about love. I know the members of this church are loving people. No one is trying to drive others away. I’m merely asking that we do what the apostles and prophets ask us to do every day, to be a little better.

Works Cited
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Cited: Dehlin, John. "Teen Suicide in Utah—My Elder’s Quorum Lesson Today." Mormon Stories Podcast. N.p., 23 Apr. 2006. Web. &lt;http://mormonstories.org/teen-suicide-in-utah/&gt;. Hinckley, Gordon B. "What Are People Asking About Us?" Www.lds.org. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, Nov. 1998. Web. Oaks, Dallin H. "We Need to Change." Love One Another: A Discussion on Same-Sex Attraction. N.p., 6 Dec. 2012. Web. "Online Etymology Dictionary." Online Etymology Dictionary Rosman, Katherine. "Mormon Family Values | The Nation." Mormon Family Values | The Nation. N.p., 7 Feb. 2002. Web. &lt;http://www.thenation.com/article/mormon-family-values&gt;. "Same-Gender Attraction." Www.mormonnewsroom.org Survey Results: Understanding Mormon Disbelief. Rep. Whymormonsquestion.org, Mar. 2012. Web. &lt;http://www.whymormonsquestion.org/wp-content/uploads/2012/05/Survey-Results_Understanding-Mormon-Disbelief-Mar20121.pdf&gt;. Sinor, Jennifer The Book of Mormon. Salt Lake City: The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, 1989. Print.