Example Midterm

Midterm
Dear Mom,
How are you? I know it has been a long time since I have written to you but I couldn’t write to you before. I am not sure if you were up-to-date or not but during a mundane drive through the Iraqi desert our convoy was ambuscaded. I managed to escape but my whole squad was slaughtered. Mom I wish I had just died with them. I cannot close my eyes without seeing our convoy in infernos or my best friend being scorched alive in the Humvee. I do not know how to carry on with life.
Everyone sees me as a hero, being able to escape through the hazy desert with nothing but a canteen of water for four days until I was rescued. I had the tulip that you and dad gave to me before I left. It was the only thing that kept me going because it was the only object that reminded me of back home in the city and the thought of never seeing you guy’s again drove me to not give up. My new squad thinks I am enduring and fear nothing and everyone is looking up to me. I just feel that I am going to collapse into a breakdown soon; I cannot take the burden being reminded everyday of that horrible moment. When I look in the mirror I don’t see the brave soldier who alone was able to fend off a rebel army, I see a coward who abandoned his squadron and left them to burn. I have a gloomy feeling inside me that I have never sensed before.
I remember when I first enlisted, I felt so enthusiastic and felt I could finally make a difference in the world. That now feels like a dreamy, impossible feeling. I now feel like a changed darker person. This moment has changed my whole life and how I view the world. I do not know if I can continue a normal life when I come back. Every time I wake up I see the sweltering sun and the seat in front of me with two bodies sagging over the dashboard. I hear gunfire and screaming in the background until I realize that it is over and I am in camp.
On the outside I have to keep a fearless face and not let anyone see the shadowy thoughts that I have. They do not know the real me. They do not know what it was like. They do not feel like they are part of the desert seeing nothing but bright yellow sand for four days and feeling like they are nothing out there in the vast sprawling sand which goes on endlessly. When I see my reflection it frights me. I see what I have really become with that look on my face and the blemishes on my cheek. I am afraid that I am not that same devoted loving son you’ve had but I feel like I am a monster and I am stuck in a never ending dream. On the outside people see me as a robust vigorous flower but when I see my reflection I see the lifeless rotten revolting bush that I have turned into. I wake up several times a night about to kill the person beside me thinking I am under attack. Luckily they are always sleeping, they do not know the real me.
I cannot make this go away. I just have to accept that this is going to be part of me now for the rest of my life and I will carry this burden with me for the rest of my life. When I come back to civilization again I do not think I can ever see a fire again without having a nervous breakdown. I will not be able to interact with you guys anymore and be as cheerful as I was. I cannot see anyone wearing a red scarf covering their face like the rebels without having fear flow through me and I don’t think I will be able to hold myself back from breaking out in front of regular people leading regular lives. I know I cannot merge back into society. I will be an outcast from now on and for the rest of my life.
I`m sorry this is what you have to read mom after all the worrying you probably had to go through I really am, but if I had to get this out of my system. I thought telling someone about what happened would make me feel the tiniest bit better but I feel the same if not worse. I love you mom and I hope I will come back soon but brace yourself because I am not that innocent little boy anymore; I have been scarred for life. Take care of everyone for me and I love you like nothing else in the world. You are the only person in the world who can understand me which is why you got this. Stay strong. Your loving son, Steve