We can do this by learning to listen in a genuinely empathic way. Empathic listening integrates an attitude of childlike curiosity with the grace of a world-class ballerina, the compassion of Mother Theresa and the peace of Thich Nhat Hanh. When we listen empathically, we are fully available and present for the other. We have no preconceived notions about what’s going on with them. We approach them freshly, with Suzuki Roshi’s "Beginner’s Mind", where possibilities are many. We are not busy rehearsing our rebuttal to what they are saying, just waiting for a moment to break in and interrupt. We do not care if we are right and they are wrong. We have no need to defend ourselves or to prove ourselves brilliant, insightful or witty. We do have a burning desire to understand what the essence of this person is all about in this moment. We are pure awareness, soaking in the words but going far beyond the words and fully resonating with the other energetically.
At a workshop last year a couple had been struggling with communication issues. "I know how to listen," the man started defensively, obviously impatient and angry with his lover. "The