Death and Dying
The Stages of Dying and of Losing a Loved One
Usually, a person (or their loved ones) will go through all or some of the following stages of feelings and emotions. The dying person’s stages can often be more predictable than the stages experienced by a loved one who has just suffered a loss.
1. Denial
• The dying person being able to drop denial gradually, and being able to use less radical defences, depends on:
- how he/she is told about his/her status;
- how much time he/she has to acknowledge what is happening;
- how he/she has been prepared throughout life to cope with stressful situations, particularly those that are out of their own control.
2. Anger
• Rage, anger, envy, and resentment may replace denial.
• “Why me?” It is a phase that is difficult to deal with because no one has the answers to this question. Anger is usually projected at random to persons, situations, and events, which most often include the loved ones.
• Loved ones may react by feelings of guilt. What did I do to cause my loved one this pain? Why not me instead? Is God punishing us? Did I do enough?
3. Bargaining
• The terminally ill person or their loved ones may entertain thoughts like “if I behave well and do good things from now on maybe I will be cured.”
• Sometimes a mental agreement is made with God to postpone inevitable death, or cancel it, if certain actions are carried out. The patient will sometimes fall into a strict regime trying to “earn” healing or delay death.
• Bargaining can take many forms – eating ‘correctly’, making friends of foes, performing unfinished business, consulting other doctors, taking special kinds of medicines, taking trips, etc.
4. Depression
Reactive Depression = depression as a result of past issues or matters that are deemed to be unresolved in the life of the terminally ill person.
• When there can no longer be denial, and bargaining seems to be of no avail, depression can set in with a terminally ill person or their
Usually, a person (or their loved ones) will go through all or some of the following stages of feelings and emotions. The dying person’s stages can often be more predictable than the stages experienced by a loved one who has just suffered a loss.
1. Denial
• The dying person being able to drop denial gradually, and being able to use less radical defences, depends on:
- how he/she is told about his/her status;
- how much time he/she has to acknowledge what is happening;
- how he/she has been prepared throughout life to cope with stressful situations, particularly those that are out of their own control.
2. Anger
• Rage, anger, envy, and resentment may replace denial.
• “Why me?” It is a phase that is difficult to deal with because no one has the answers to this question. Anger is usually projected at random to persons, situations, and events, which most often include the loved ones.
• Loved ones may react by feelings of guilt. What did I do to cause my loved one this pain? Why not me instead? Is God punishing us? Did I do enough?
3. Bargaining
• The terminally ill person or their loved ones may entertain thoughts like “if I behave well and do good things from now on maybe I will be cured.”
• Sometimes a mental agreement is made with God to postpone inevitable death, or cancel it, if certain actions are carried out. The patient will sometimes fall into a strict regime trying to “earn” healing or delay death.
• Bargaining can take many forms – eating ‘correctly’, making friends of foes, performing unfinished business, consulting other doctors, taking special kinds of medicines, taking trips, etc.
4. Depression
Reactive Depression = depression as a result of past issues or matters that are deemed to be unresolved in the life of the terminally ill person.
• When there can no longer be denial, and bargaining seems to be of no avail, depression can set in with a terminally ill person or their