Ap Essay Examples
Student sample #1
Ideas
Score and Justification: I gave a 5 because the writer has a sense of what a good friend means. The central message is clear and understandable with detail of what makes a good friend. They had knowledge about this prompt. This person could have elaborated a little more into detail about a specific example or experience.
Examples:
When they said a friend is special, they could have explained what they feel makes a friend special. “A good friend doesn’t talk bad about you” is one example of how friends should treat friends. Another good example the writer has is “They will also cheer you up when you are upset. Maybe with a joke or two.” I like that there was an explanation for being upset by telling a joke. I can …show more content…
There are words that are overused. The writer knows what they meant to say about what makes a good friend, but the reader struggles on what their meaning is. There is no variety or adjectives. Just thoughts ran together for an assignment.
Examples:
“a good friend” is an example of over used word choice. This is used to start sentences and in the middle of the sentences. “a true friend” was used a few times too many also. “a good friend is also ingenuous” is used out of context and has nothing to do with what a good friend is. An example of good word choice is “Friends just have different opinions. And if they are a good friend, they will respect that.”
Sentence fluency
Score and Justification
I gave the writer a 3 because sentence fluency is a weak part of the prompt. The sentences are too long in spots and short in others. There is no flow, it is very choppy and hard to follow what the point is. I had to read most sentences three times to fully understand the point.
Examples:
Introduction example of too long of sentence “For instance, if you ask your friend to do something for you, you can probably depend on them to do it if they are a good friend.” Another sentence “They don’t just not even care about your thoughts” is a hard one to read. Conventions and Presentation-
Score and
Ideas
Score and Justification: I gave a 5 because the writer has a sense of what a good friend means. The central message is clear and understandable with detail of what makes a good friend. They had knowledge about this prompt. This person could have elaborated a little more into detail about a specific example or experience.
Examples:
When they said a friend is special, they could have explained what they feel makes a friend special. “A good friend doesn’t talk bad about you” is one example of how friends should treat friends. Another good example the writer has is “They will also cheer you up when you are upset. Maybe with a joke or two.” I like that there was an explanation for being upset by telling a joke. I can …show more content…
There are words that are overused. The writer knows what they meant to say about what makes a good friend, but the reader struggles on what their meaning is. There is no variety or adjectives. Just thoughts ran together for an assignment.
Examples:
“a good friend” is an example of over used word choice. This is used to start sentences and in the middle of the sentences. “a true friend” was used a few times too many also. “a good friend is also ingenuous” is used out of context and has nothing to do with what a good friend is. An example of good word choice is “Friends just have different opinions. And if they are a good friend, they will respect that.”
Sentence fluency
Score and Justification
I gave the writer a 3 because sentence fluency is a weak part of the prompt. The sentences are too long in spots and short in others. There is no flow, it is very choppy and hard to follow what the point is. I had to read most sentences three times to fully understand the point.
Examples:
Introduction example of too long of sentence “For instance, if you ask your friend to do something for you, you can probably depend on them to do it if they are a good friend.” Another sentence “They don’t just not even care about your thoughts” is a hard one to read. Conventions and Presentation-
Score and